So I really don’t have much to write about, but I thought that I would post a quick blog, seeing that it’s my last night in Las Vegas.
I honestly don’t know whether I should be excited or depressed about this, but as of right now, I’m in a state of sadness. Just when I get re-accustomed to living here and reestablishing a routine, it all gets taken away. I love school, and I like Reno for the most part, but at the moment Reno to me is like one of those old best friends that you lose contact with that you don’t see for a REALLY long time, and then when do you eventually run into each other again after almost endless time apart, it’s incredibly awkward.
That might not have made much sense to you, but to me, it’s perfectly clear: Only one more year left in Reno. Then I have to face a huge decision: What am I going to do with my life?
So the past few days have been interesting, to say the least. I’ve gone through a lot just in the last two days alone that I don’t necessarily want to relive. Ever. I wrote in my last post that I’m very quick to assume the negative, and the other day, I happened to be right about my negative assumption. And it pretty much opened up an incredibly colossal can of worms. I’ve learned a lot about myself and my family yesterday, but I do know that I love my parents more than anything in the world, and nothing gives me more fulfillment than to see them happy, healthy, and whole. And right now, we aren’t.
I’m not going to go into detail about what’s been going on, because it’s not something that I feel like I’m ready to share with everyone just yet, but a few people know about what exactly has happened, and they know that it has torn me apart. I look upon my past with new eyes. I am unsure of my future. I don’t know what my life will be like even a month from now. I am hurting and people I care about are hurting, and if you’re the praying kind of person, I ask that you would pray that I would have the strength and the courage to get through this bit of turmoil.
I am an optimist in the sense that I KNOW that things can only get better from here. Well, I think I know that. I have a sincere hope, at least. I can’t wait to move home from Reno in a year so that I can be with my parents more, because they bring me so much joy. And what we are going through is rough, but I have this gut feeling that we are strong enough and we have enough love to get through this. :)
There is a lot of good that can come out of this situation. Healed relationships. New perspective. I hope we can get to that point.
I realized tonight that I am very quick to always assume the negative about people. I’m not a pessimist by any means, but I think because of a lot of things that went down in the past, I have a very hard time always seeing the good in people. I’m constantly searching for the downsides of friendships, so as to protect myself from future hurt. I guess I do this because I don’t want to be caught off guard or surprised by the way a person could act, particularly towards me. I’m not saying that the friends I have aren’t the most amazing people ever, because they are. I love them dearly and without them my life would be drastically different. Really.
I am lucky enough to have a few friends that have stuck with me throughout the years, and for them I am forever grateful. And I have new friends that light up my life. I don’t like this particular trait that I possess, so I want to fix that about myself. I need to focus on the good, the great, the incredible. Maybe then I wouldn’t be so worried all the time that friends would up and leave me? And if it happens, it happens, because God intended for it to happen.
I didn’t really mean for this to be a depressing post, but rather an enlightening one. Every day I learn something new about myself. Most of the time it’s not something that I particularly like about myself, and I am learning and growing and becoming the person that I should be because of it.