happyhappyhappy

It’s funny looking back on my previous posts (from a few years back) and realizing how silly and overemotional I sounded. I’d like to think that I’m not like that anymore!

So I’m really happy. :] I realized that I am on the right track and I’m starting to see that I’ve got the world in front of me [with SO many options] but I have decided not to stress about it. I have a great feeling about my future and a great Church and great people around me and I have so many things to be thankful for [appropriate since it's almost Thanksgiving!].

I realized that I spend a lot of time trying to please people, [and not to sound selfish] but my life isn’t really all about them. I don’t need to worry about what people think about my BLOG, my career choice, my choice of church, you name it! My life shouldn’t be about making others happy all the time. Though I LOVE to be a source of happiness to others, I shouldn’t have to change who I am for acceptance in any way!

This is not meant as a sad blog, or a mean blog, but as a happy blog!

I am happy. Life is grand. :]

Futures!

So I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my future. Today in particular was a day that I absolutely couldn’t stop thinking about it. This morning, I registered for my last semester of classes in Reno. I’ll be going through graduation in May. I have never felt more excited/nervous/scared/EXCITED for anything! After this, I might actually be living in the real world. A year from now, I will probably have found a job teaching somewhere, maybe. It’s weird to think that after all these years in college, I’ll actually be doing something with all this time I spent preparing for a job that didn’t seem to be a possibility until now. Until now, it didn’t feel real.

I am so excited to teach! I have been waiting for this for forever, it seems, and it’s getting closer and closer. It’s true that I have to survive finals and another semester of college, but still, if I actually make it through all of this in one piece, I will be a huge influence in the lives of many children. That’s a scary thought, actually. My friends and my parents (HI DAD!) know how silly I can be. I can’t imagine that any reasonable parent would want me influencing their children! Regardless of how crazy/ridiculous/insane I can be sometimes, I think that there’s a possibility that I might be a darn good teacher.

I just realized something! It’s been a while since I’ve had any serious back pains. That’s weird. Mostly it’s just my ankle and my knee that have been giving me a hard time. There are times when my lower back feels a little stiff but that’s really the extent of my discomfort there. Maybe the yoga is helping after all? Man, I feel like such a failure in that class sometimes. What with all my ailments, there isn’t a single pose that I can do completely perfectly. Whether my ankle feels too weak to balance on, or my knee has issues locking, there isn’t a time when I don’t feel semi-silly in that class. BUT what I can’t deny is that at 10:50 every Monday and Wednesday morning, I leave that class feeling a little more refreshed and prepared for the day than when I came in. So I guess that’s something.

Okay. So it’s late, and I just put Harry Potter on and I think it’s bedtime. GOOD NIGHT!

I’m Catching Up but I’m Still Behind…

So I always feel like my life isn’t interesting enough to write about daily. “Today, this happened. And THEN this happened! And then something else happened. The end.” I feel like that would be so boring! But I’ll give it a try:

So this morning, I decided to check WebCampus and discovered something that made my heart drop. You see, last week I had the incredible opportunity to fly down to Las Vegas for a recruiting event for high school juniors and seniors that are thinking about coming to the university. WELL, I had to miss Wednesday and Thursday classes, which I expected would be no problem… BUT it turns out that I was supposed to submit an assignment that I would be missing via email to my teacher for my literacy class. I thought that I could just turn it in the next class session, but when I checked in on the class online, I received a zero out of 30 for the assignment. I emailed her back after my heart attack and it turns out that there isn’t much that can be done. I was not a very good student this past week and I guess I deserve that grade. She said there was a possibility that I could receive half credit for the assignment, which she doesn’t usually do. So here’s hoping.

I also went to the student health center today because I’m still sick. Doctor thinks it could have been stomach flu, but I’m past it now. Thank goodness I’m finally starting to feel a little better!

I also got my nails done today. They’re pretty.

Yesterday in my teaching science class we had a tie dye extravaganza! Today I finally got to wash out my shirt and my apron and they look AMAZING.

I need to figure out what book to read next. I’m reading Girl With the Dragon Tattoo but I don’t have the patience to get through the beginning. I hear it’s wonderful, but I kind of just want a silly, light read. Or maybe I’ll just go through the Harry Potter series again. For the second time this semester.

I asked Alicia what I should write about in this blog and she said to write about her, and so that’s what I’m doing now. I miss my Alicia. I can honestly say that the majority of my happiest moments in life have been with her. She is my best friend and I just love her so much! I miss her and I think it’s incredibly stupid that we are currently living in different states. I can’t wait until we graduate so that we can be real-life adults together!!

Okay, so I should probably work on homework now. :]








Title Lyric: Faster Ride-- Cartel

Weird!

It’s so weird to me that this is my senior year. I mean technically I have two and a half semesters of school left before I’m officially licensed, but I’m only in Reno until May.

It’s so weird to me that I’m actually motivated to work out, after such a physically exhausting day.

It’s so weird to me that I’m taking all 400 level classes [with the exception of yoga and volleyball].

It’s so weird to me that all of my classes have the same people in them.

It’s so weird to me that I’m making so many new friends in my last year of college.

It’s so weird to me that I’m actually going to be a teacher at the end of this. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for that.

I wrote that a little more than a month ago, and realized that I never posted it. Being here as a senior is a little less weird to me, and a lot more stressful. But I’ll deal. :)

Currently…. I’m avoiding homework. I probably shouldn’t be doing this since I always have SO MUCH HOMEWORK, always. But, I’m an expert procrastinator and manage well under stress, so I’ll stick to what I do best.

So it’s October. I have no idea where the year went! Soon it’ll be 2011, and that’s so scary. I cannot believe that I’m old enough to graduate COLLEGE. Scary stuff.

There are currently a million things going on in my head right now and it’s impossible to get them all straight. I’m just constantly thinking, thinking, thinking, overthinking. It’s not good! I have so much going on right now I think I might just explode. But then, in the midst of all that, there are times when I am fortunate to have this calm, peaceful state of mind and I know EXACTLY where that comes from. I have something that I can rejoice about every day. I find joy in the little things. I’m glad that I have that.

Life springs eternal on a gaudy neon street

So I really don’t have much to write about, but I thought that I would post a quick blog, seeing that it’s my last night in Las Vegas.

I honestly don’t know whether I should be excited or depressed about this, but as of right now, I’m in a state of sadness. Just when I get re-accustomed to living here and reestablishing a routine, it all gets taken away. I love school, and I like Reno for the most part, but at the moment Reno to me is like one of those old best friends that you lose contact with that you don’t see for a REALLY long time, and then when do you eventually run into each other again after almost endless time apart, it’s incredibly awkward.

That might not have made much sense to you, but to me, it’s perfectly clear: Only one more year left in Reno. Then I have to face a huge decision: What am I going to do with my life?

Oy, adulthood.

Title Lyric: Leaving Las Vegas-- Sheryl Crow

Dismantle. Repair.

So the past few days have been interesting, to say the least. I’ve gone through a lot just in the last two days alone that I don’t necessarily want to relive. Ever. I wrote in my last post that I’m very quick to assume the negative, and the other day, I happened to be right about my negative assumption. And it pretty much opened up an incredibly colossal can of worms. I’ve learned a lot about myself and my family yesterday, but I do know that I love my parents more than anything in the world, and nothing gives me more fulfillment than to see them happy, healthy, and whole. And right now, we aren’t.

I’m not going to go into detail about what’s been going on, because it’s not something that I feel like I’m ready to share with everyone just yet, but a few people know about what exactly has happened, and they know that it has torn me apart. I look upon my past with new eyes. I am unsure of my future. I don’t know what my life will be like even a month from now. I am hurting and people I care about are hurting, and if you’re the praying kind of person, I ask that you would pray that I would have the strength and the courage to get through this bit of turmoil.

I am an optimist in the sense that I KNOW that things can only get better from here. Well, I think I know that. I have a sincere hope, at least. I can’t wait to move home from Reno in a year so that I can be with my parents more, because they bring me so much joy. And what we are going through is rough, but I have this gut feeling that we are strong enough and we have enough love to get through this. :)

There is a lot of good that can come out of this situation. Healed relationships. New perspective. I hope we can get to that point.

I've got a plan to lose it all

I realized tonight that I am very quick to always assume the negative about people. I’m not a pessimist by any means, but I think because of a lot of things that went down in the past, I have a very hard time always seeing the good in people. I’m constantly searching for the downsides of friendships, so as to protect myself from future hurt. I guess I do this because I don’t want to be caught off guard or surprised by the way a person could act, particularly towards me. I’m not saying that the friends I have aren’t the most amazing people ever, because they are. I love them dearly and without them my life would be drastically different. Really.

I am lucky enough to have a few friends that have stuck with me throughout the years, and for them I am forever grateful. And I have new friends that light up my life. I don’t like this particular trait that I possess, so I want to fix that about myself. I need to focus on the good, the great, the incredible. Maybe then I wouldn’t be so worried all the time that friends would up and leave me? And if it happens, it happens, because God intended for it to happen.

I didn’t really mean for this to be a depressing post, but rather an enlightening one. Every day I learn something new about myself. Most of the time it’s not something that I particularly like about myself, and I am learning and growing and becoming the person that I should be because of it.